The other night I lay awake, sorting my experiences. I subconsciously quantitatively rate them and logically form them as I remember and reinvent my memories and manifestations of the time that was once now. I do this for the sake of relating my interpretations and my choices within this external world back to those who I blindly think might care or understand any of it. My personal interpretations are not only skewed when I verbally communicate them, but also from the point of my sensory organs intaking and translating messages to my nervous system which then need to be interpreted again by my conscious mind, to the point when my audience reads and interprets my skewed interpretations form their skewed perspectives. Simply, and unreliable source.
I come to realize that I am a fool for my attempt at logging my trip for anybody other than myself. I feel that for me to do otherwise, and continue at status quo, I am only perpetuating that which I suppress - my ego. I would love to share stories of my travels and excursions for the sake of conversation and entertainment, however this story is far from complete and this method of communication lacks as priorly mentioned. Also, although I tried to add twists of humor and gained wisdom within my posts the fact is that as I published my emphasis was always directed by a need to feed my audience. Since my audience in known I project a story for them, and not necessarily the whole story, but a sliced and diced story. A story of how I want them to view me. Thus, I quantitatively rate and logically sort my interpretations in a way to communicate my apparent need to project myself, my ideas, and my ego upon those that read my interpretations.
As I write this my audience is still known, my words are formed for them, and this is but another perpetuation. At least it is realized.
I am unsure of exactly what the future of this blog will be. As much as I would rather not have the strong influence of all my readers opinions I feel that I might need them. So please feel free to push me around with your interpretations, because I realize that communication is the most human thing to do and I am only human.
The trip is going well, and I will post pictures for your entertainment (and skewed interpretations) as soon as I find a good computer.
Much love and peace to all of you. A little bit extra to mom, dad, and sis. A whole lot to Harper.
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2 comments:
Justin,
Your words enlighten me with your wisdom of past & present. I'm sure this is hard to keep up yet I know many of us look so foreward to your insights and personal dialogue. I check every day and open the past blogs so as to feel closer to your experience.
Love & Peace,
Mom
Justin, peace and love from buffalo.I have spent the last hour catching up on your adventures. Havent read anything since leaving potomac. reading your words and seeing your photos brings me a sense serenity that im sure is a small fraction of what you are feeling. I miss you. With Shawn having moved south, erin is my only friend. Thank 8lb 6oz baby jesus that you left dutch with me. He misses you also. I have gotten two tattoos recently that are filling me with peace and love, and projecting it to those around me. Give my love to Brando and know that I continue to "pray" for you both.
rongo+arohina
markus
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